Had my long weekend to finally catch a break. Will be back in action again tomorrow. Had the chance to take time to read Mitch Albom's One more day, which was an easy read.

Actually saw some worthy quotes from a uni magazine that I normally would trash without opening.
"I try to do my very best in every aspect of my life. I believe that when people give their best effort to something, they will naturally be rewarded. With this principle, hard work and perseverance become a part of us."

"How to do well in research? Understand, think, then innovate"

"In essence, simple and elegant ideas survive the test of time."

Knowing what you want is key.  Have clear & specific objectives, know your desired outcome & impact.
Collaboration is a means to an end, must know this very clearly, else you will be bogged down by noise and cloudiness

I cannot believe that I am drinking the disgusting ling yang water voluntarily. 2 bottles some more! Things I do to not fall sick and miss precious time that is already too little.

Thoughts for the Precious

I think, we should be defined by what we want to be and what we will be, and not be defined by who we were.

People do say there are defined by what they have done. it seems to apply the most appropriately when we are dead, when people want to judge what your accomplishments are and what kind of life you have lived.

But we are living, we are alive. The past is part of us and part of what made us who we are today. But the past is also a shadow that should be cast behind us and not be overhanging clouds that fog our vision and our future -- because today is tomorrow's past, and so in fact we have the power to do something about today to become what we want to become tomorrow.  The way ahead becomes distinct and clear, cheery and without fear.

More so, "You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish.  I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to me: it's their mistake, not my failing." -- Richard Feynman, Nobel Prize- wining physicist.  We all have a frame that limits our mind and how open we think, the trick about this mindframe is that the moment you see the edge, it shifts itself out of your view, and opens up wider and wider.  Eventually right or wrong only exists in parts of the frame when we zoom in and out of our perspectives.

I am just so glad now that I hesitated no more and waited no more. Just like the lyrics, cause life is short, there is no need to complicate...

Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you will find that the sky is yours

=)

my words of wisdom

i try my best not to do anything wrong in my life, but i know along the way i would have hurt someone, caused some people grief, misery and unhappiness. Some of these things you will know, but some are caused unintentionally. it's probably something that nobody can escape

Like how ultimate nuahness is laying on the bed with a storybook and a mouth stuffed full of strawberries,
我觉得幸福是这样的, 能牵着手,把时间忘了慢慢走
能无所不谈, 也能不说一句话, 只靠在彼此肩上
能这样在一起我觉得就是幸福

Life is short, be happy.
Headache caused by ear ache is irritating.

It's your concerns and anguishes that are the cause. Look for the peace of soul, and then you'll be in a good shape like a flower early in the morning

copyright of chinese astrology i believe. For the water dog

This Week's Outlook	These astral influences will accentuate the contradictions inherent in your personality. If you begin to entertain gloomy ideas, if you no longer have the desire to be active, if you take no further interest in your entourage, then you must react very swiftly, for these are the first signs of a nervous breakdown. With this said, the malaises which you're suffering from at present are more psychic than physical, for your general state of health is not bad. It's your concerns and anguishes that are the cause. Look for the peace of soul, and then you'll be in a good shape like a flower early in the morning.
Outlook for 2009	Certain changes will take place in your life. They will all be positive, profitable and agreeable if you know how to appreciate and handle them. Don't let the past and useless details clog your existence. Try to get rid of all that impedes your march or hampers your spontaneity and joy. "Remember to forget" (Nietzsche). Your happiness is before you, not behind you!
Heavenly Influence (Looking to the Stars)	In spite of your apprehensions, notable improvements in many fields will be actual and, for certain natives, there will even be a positive change in the career. Certain solutions will come along unexpectedly. The year will be crucial as regards a sentimental encounter or a recovery of harmony with a beloved one. If you must take important decisions, seek advice from competent people.
Additional Outlook For Your Element (Water)	You'll feel powerfully motivated. You'll try to achieve all your projects and realize all your ambitions. What is important will be a good dose of patience. And, why not seek help from your friends?

Precious things when held on too tightly, will suffocate, will be crushed

Be brave georgin, learn to let go..

I realize...I can take stress but not anxiety :S

How true

Sometimes, you just have to be hard on yourself.

如果你不小心想起我

If there are seasons was great. The songs were nostalgic, the lyrics were beautiful and poetic. But I feel down now.

The show said love past, or love lost, can never feel the same when the love is recovered...

sometimes it's wrong to do the right thing
sometimes it's right to do the wrong thing?

this is so confusing. must they use such paradoxical statements just to catch your attention..

避风港

A few weeks back sunday times' life section featured something special. From Shin Na's blog, I quote
"I'm sad about the pain my illness and death have caused my friends and family. Losing people you care about and the thought of never, ever seeing them again, or hugging them again, or hearing them laugh again is heartbreaking. Trust me, I know. You are only losing ONE of me. I'm losing ALL of you. But here's something even more sad - what if we had never met, never gotten to know each other, never laughed together or cried together or learnt from each other? Sure, we'd have saved some heartache, but we'd have lost a great deal more than that."

And from another lady in the same article
"When we are healthy, many of us sleepwalk through life like the living dead. You can see us in the MRT, on the way to work. Unsmiling. With vacant stares. Just like zombies. From where I am now, that seems like such a waste."

It's about loving our own lives, cherishing the present and looking forward to our futures. It's about looking out for the people you care about, providing a 避风港 for each other.

CATCH and TWIST

wtf, i lost my stylus. aarrrggghhhhhh tamade.

don't know how I'm going to survive next week. Am not so excited about the diving trip anymore, didn't finish the manual or the vcd that i'm supposed to watch. Other things occupying my limited brain capacity now, sian just thinking about it, dreading it when the time comes, sigh. Actually, dreading it even before the time comes. I feel like sighing a lot. sbs. I shall disguise them as taking deep breaths.

My easy way out has been rejected, despite "impressive credentials". Now I need to figure out what I need to out the non-easy way out.

Quite immobilised by stiffened shoulders and back, and neck, and ass. Need to work on my front catch......catch phrase for db shall be CATCH and TWIST

it is the last few days, and i need to believe a miracle is possible.

不能自拔的错了。但错了， 毕竟还是错了。

There is only this many times i can check my gmail everyday before going nuts.  Just give it to me, then I can tell myself to leave without regrets.  

Grouchy & grumpy.  Quotes from Daniel Tammet's new book.

1. People who make better predictions are better learners.
2. You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish.  I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to me: it's their mistake, not my failing. -- Richard Feynman, Nobel Prize- wining physicist
3. There is no such thing as love, there are only the proofs of love. -- Michel Onfray, French philisopher
4. We cannot measure intelligence when we have not defined it, -- Walter Lippmann.
5. In the end, it is not the size of our brains that matters, but the depth of our spirits.
6. Remembering something from your past is not at all like pulling facts from your brain, but rather is a recollection aided by your level of interest, knowledge and emotion at the time of the event and the subsequent recollection.

Another list of quotes from http://blogs.ft.com/capitalismblog/

1. To biuld a society based on trust we have to start in school, if not earlier.  Children should learn that the noblest life is the one that produces the least misery and the most happiness in the world.

It's dangerous to cook egg with noodles after you have gone to the gym. The egg, so easily broken.

I am getting sick.

Shontelle - t shirt
"there's a pain in my heart and i can't stop it"

I am so stuck.

What am I supposed to do? Minimum hurt does not equate to maximum happiness. Just what am I supposed to do.  stupid self-control.  and stupid lack of self-control.

gloomy, grouchy, grumpy

and i forgot about "growl". I cannot let one small thing unravel me like this. Got to keep it cool, keep it under control.

is it worth it, is it worth it. It's like hoping for some miracle, expecting some unexpected things to happen. But by the definition, unexpected means unlikely to happen. Every rational atom in me knows it is not worth it to do a local stint. Unless you want to value the more intangible benefits, or value the intrinsic worth of entering the bf sector. I'll hold my thoughts for now, until I get the final verdict.


today i went to the sinseh again. after i told him i went to swim yesterday, it was a "you see la", and he proceeded to rub my never-been-so-crippled before leg. AND then he poked the hell out of my knee, and did the flame-cup thing on the sore spot to suck out the blood clots. the eeww was less than the OUCH. it was bloody pain lo. the poking was pain, the sucking was numb, the post-sucking left my legs like jelly. I'm a wimp.

And i just want to whine now, about everything.wwwwwwhhhhhiiiiinnnnneeeeeeeeee.

Why, why, why. I do I never get the things I want.

nuahness is when you are lying on your bed with your mouth stuffed full of strawberries and reading a book.

It's a rest day today, tuesday. Actually it's a good day to swim, but my knee is all wrapped up. Before i forget to mention, it's a sunny day and great for swimming. yesterday it rained when i was swimming, and the rain stopped when i finished bathing. crap.

Sinseh says it's a sprain, and he rubbed a sore spot for a very long time and smothered the deepheat-like ointment all over the knee and thigh area. The spot is still pretty sore, but i'm quite happy to know that it's just a sprain. But the sinseh's place....I think the air is not very clean. I was sneezing my way out of the medical hall. Such sensitive nose I have.

The house still has a chao dah smell from this morning. I saved the house from being burnt down. My mama forgot to turn off the stove and left the tapioca to burnt itself out. Resulting in the chao dah smell. It was supposed still edible according to her, when she inspected the remains of the tapioca when she came back. But I had soaked the entire pot in water already, so cannot eat. A pic to evidence the incident, but I have trouble connecting through bluetooth.

So this afternoon....I cannot decide whether to play guitar hero first or read my new book first. It's pretty good, Daniel Tammet's second book, if you have interest in our minds and how the brain works. It's a little more heavy because he quotes a number of researches, but less dry and technical (for a layman like me) as compared to Steven Johnson's Mind Wide Open. But even that book (Mind Wide Open) was lambasted on amazon for lack of substance (because the reviewer said the author has not gotten a degree in neuroscience - hence I suppose the review opines that the author is not qualified to write a 'deep' book in the subject). I am not bothered to verify such arguments, afterall, I've learnt to take what I learn/hear/understand with a pinch of salt. Seems that nothing nowadays is cast in stone. Things change and never remain the same. Not many things are that fundamental to withstand this thing called change.

Got a number of quotes I copied from the Embracing the Wide Sky, shall post later.

Now to get some coffee.

eve to HOLIDAY!

finally, something I improved in - 2km run. With a bad knee. and now i deal with the aftermath of the run. Pain. Not acute pain but the kind you feel after you get a bad muscle cramp, just that i didn't get a cramp in the first place. I highly suspect it's not the cartilage that is causing the problem, even though the grinding test by the GP showed that I obviously have no cartilage left. I think it's the ligament.

Daniel Tammet has a new book. I almost always end up buying a book when i wander in Borders, without any intention to buy anything. This new one is called "Embracing the Wide Sky". About brains. I like reading about brains.

Then it was birthday tea at Dempsey's Jones the Grocer. Nice place, nice high ceiling, a mix of Caucasian and local servers made it quite interesting. It has a bit of the ikea feeling, when ikea was not as well-known last time. Didn't manage to wander around the store though, the limping was hurting a bit too much. But there were so many interesting things I'm sure my bestests and I will have a great time if we go together. Many furniture stores there too.

lancing lancing

How does love happen? Does it start from likeness? Does it start with a 'spark', or with a 'click'? Or does it grow on people i.e. the more time you spend with the person you don't dislike, the more you like each other, and the fondness grows into something more? Or is it something you can control and decide for it to happen?

ax^2 + bx + c = love (plagarised from jap movie), an indeterminate equation that cannot be solved. Love cannot be put into any construct in the first place. Sigh. making it so hard to understand. So you don't understand how it works, how do you even manage it? Is there a correct response to such things?

Is it possible to accidentally fall in love with someone?

Or maybe falling in love is over-rated? No i'm not bitter. It depends i guess, on what you want. Do you want a relationship with intense head-over-heels romance (usually during the first 3 months - honeymoon, immediate-post-courtship period)? Or you want to have someone you feel comfortable with, or someone you want to spend your lives together with, or someone you feel a sense of security with.

Now that I am playing my top 10 lancing songs, and have got 1 week of no work (but am sucha loser to not go anywhere), I have time to think about such inconsequential stuff.

wah competition is up man. I need to adjust next schedule next week.

It'll now be gym, gym, gym, gym, gym. swim, swim,swim,swim. row, row, row.
5 times of gym, 4 swims, 3 times rowing.

Wish my knee gets better soon.

GROWL.

wahahaha. i cannot believe that i am home by 8:30pm today. heh. It's either i'm getting faster, or i actually wrote a piece of crappy work and am oblivious to it. I seriously don't think it is the second one, given the paranoia that I've developed over the years.

am going to relax the rest of the night.

SSOOOOO TIRED of WAITING

everyday (well almost) when i get home from work, my very lovable dog will be there to greet me. And of course, be the subject of my entertainment and handling. She will inspect where I've been to, smell my shoes, pants, my bag and stuff.

And now, my lovable dog is getting cataracts...I hope she can still see me properly. I really feel quite sad to see her growing old and knowing that I will lose her one day. So, I don't make fun of her so much nowadays. Like cajoling her to places where she shouldn't be. Like, a bookshelf. Countless bags (but bags, she likes to go into them).

Dunno why the pictures can't be uploaded...

Oh i finally gymmed today. Feels good. But my right knee still spoil. Sucks.

Tmr is big meeting. Schedule for the rest of the week + next week:
Tmr afternoon, night, late night, very late night : write minutes
Thur : write minutes, send minutes, amend minutes
Fri : see if boss has time to clear minutes
Sat : golf golf golf! *happy* :)
Sun : DB, socialise, nuah, nap, sleep
Mon - Fri : golf, swim, golf swim, golf, swim, get rid of white singlet, bring dog out, bathe dog, prawning
Sat : golf! movie?
Sun : Feel extremely testy because of post-leave plus pre-monday blues.

I like taxi uncles who horn fiercelyat people who anyhow cross the roads at geylang. So I was on a cab heading home tonight, in the turbo-charged taxi that zipped me home. Taxi uncle was obviously pissed off by the people who cross the roads like they own them, so at this junction when he was definitely above the speed limit, HORNS at this startled guy who was in the middle of the road. Haha. Well most taxi drivers are very skilled drivers, so accidents. I just wish more people will express their irritation at the irritating people who anyhow cross road. I personally use the traffic lights 99% of the time (at geylang stretch), just so that I can curse at the people who anyhow cross roads there.

I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow night so that my mama's bbq class gathering happens.

Tiring week. Next week got to write minutes, can expect more late nights. Better stock up on snacks....and maybe cup noodles also.

But work is good, takes my mind off things.

woohoo, good news! I get to buy my old external 19" monitor at DIRT cheap price. My mama can play sudoku with font size 100 when i lug it home.

Finished the daily ritual of 3 glucosamine capsules, 1 evening primrose oil and 1 anti-inflammation thingie the doc gave. Also applied generous amount of pain relieving cream for the knees. Not that they hurt much now, but it feels good when they warm up the joints.

Today we rowed a crazy 10km. 7km almost-non-stop for the first set. I can feel the aches dying to take over the body. Quite sad that the overall assessment wasn't good, the lack of gyming the last few weeks shows. I must hit the meeting-room-sized gym in office next week.

Started at the bukit batok range yesterday, I must say it is quite fun, hitting a golf ball. There is a lot of satisfaction when the ball actually has a trajectory motion instead of rolling off feebly somewhere. Dunno when I can hit nice high-flying balls like the coach.

My ass is soooooooo suan now

Today is a better day, maybe because there was a huge rainbow right at my window at knock off time where I don't knock off. It was big, and a real big arc. Also because my new lappie came, and opening the numerous boxes and know that I'll be using the new stuff made me feel better. I don't mean to brag, but my work station is looking awfully high-tech now that I have not 1 but 2 external monitors. Like traders like that. That's what Bill Gates had, 3 screens. Now i have 3 screen to look at too. But the extra monitor takes up a fair bit of tabletop space which is essential for me to organize my stuff. (i'm a spatial person, I need to see where my things are).

Got work to do, all with the same deadline. But feel more sleepy than anything else now.

drifting

right now, this moment, there is really nothing I am looking forward to. It's a lousy week, right from the start. I don't feel like managing myself properly anymore. I feel like letting myself fall into pieces and be blown away like dust. I feel like disappearing, vanishing into thin air.

Let me indulge in self-wallowing for a while. Of self-hollowness.

What is the thing, who is the one I can focus on, to bring my life together. It's a strange feeling, losing yourself because you lost focus. It feels like becoming transparent. Maybe I am really disappearing this moment.

But yet tomorrow my solid form will reappear for me to go to work. I am whole when I am occupied. Really dislike this drifting feeling.

unexpected

Sometimes, things just don't turn out the way we want them to. No matter how much you want, hope or desire it to be, call it fate, destiny or just time playing a fool of you, the image you imagined is but, an imagination. But take heart that you know now what are figments of imagination and that you have tried to make it a reality. Know that fools are those who end up dying trying for something that was never meant to be. Try once, try twice and take a reality check.

I have one more hope that will reveal itself soon. I tried, and can only now take a deep breath and await the result. Chicago, I wish, will not be as elusive.

xplore

it's one of those times where there's work to do and you don't feel like doing and end up blogging instead. Today, along with the SD winning team (hah), we crawled through an inflatable challenge, swam, biked, shot some laser clay and the only man in the team climbed the rock wall.

What a fun day. All the competition in the name of good fun.

Vxxt is a very strong chemical. All 27 years' worth of hair gone in 8 minutes. But they'll grow back.

My right knee has not recovered, the pain comes and goes. If i can't run soon, I don't know how I can train properly for the sundown.

It sucked that golf was postponed, but it will happen next sat. Should be able to borrow Mel's clubs to practise soon.. And suddenly my friends all seem to be taking french classes at Alliance Francaise...and they are all booked out until the May classes. Maybe I will sign up for the Sat AM classes too.

Must reach office by 8am tomorrow. I don't think the work is worth doing over the rest of my weekend.

12.14km

today I ran 12.14km in 1 hr 20min. Right knee hurt a lot, and I had to stop for my sugarcane juice.

Tired now. With a busted right knee, and stomache from the run, I feel nuah and stoned. Yesterday was the interview. I thought it went ok. Just that with the number of highly (i presume) qualified candidates, I wonder if ok is good enough. Will just wait and pray that good news come my way.

Yawnz.

growing younger

Just caught Benjamin Buttons. I like it, but it's hard to put a finger on the show. It's not intense, but very affecting. The last part when she carried him in her arms, and with the narration, i was pretty much engulfed by emotions. But it was hard to differentiate what the different emotions I felt then.

Moments never last, you can only treasure the moment when it happens. Things change, but feelings can remain the same. But too often then not, we allow external environment to become the reason for the change in feelings. I believe in steadfast feelings, and I think I can love someone for a very very very long time if the person also loves me back. I don't think I can do unreciprocated love for very long. Must have returns haha. Unrequited love is no-no, but I can like someone for very long, that I know.

That's all for the emo-blog. It is time to focus on some thinking and serious prep work.

Had an interesting conversation recently, on the part 1 and part 2 of love and loving. I suppose part 1 refers to the falling in love, and part 2 the being in love. Some people are rational then irrational, others irrational then rational, and there must be rational-rational (boring ppl) and the irrational-irrational (crazy and slightly-fused-up-there ppl). Nothing is right or wrong, as long as two people are happy together.

love and relationships. Love is not equal to relationship. Relationship is not equal to love. Nothing much to say, just a random thought.

Took 2 Likeness quiz in facebook. I am amused. 2 quizzes showed that

i) I am as cool as a cucumber
You've got a great attitude going on - friendly, laid-back, open to new experiences. Anyone should want to hang out with you, and if they don't - well, that's their problem, not yours. Just let it roll off your back. We're pretty sure you do that anyway.

Don't be afraid to show a little attitude every once in a while - it's cool being cool, but it's also pretty nice to get your way and influence the people around you. A little bit. We wouldn't want you to lose your cucumber-ness.

I like the cucumber-ness ;)

ii) My perfect relationship is "friends with benefits"

Let's be honest here: you're not looking for a relationship at all. You'd much rather have a makeout partner and still be free to flirt with whoever you want.

Do us all a favor and stay away from Relationship Land. Find someone who's just as commitment-phobic as you are.

Appalling and shocking. I do not believe it is true. I LOVE relationships. ha.. But if the cucumber-ness is true......

*reminder to self - speak out and speak up, at every possible opportunity, without hesitation to use the opportunity. and make yourself heard.

a line from the papers today said that a simple way is to remember that there are always two sides to a coin. It is important to be open to knowing and hearing different perspectives, even if you may not understand or agree with them. It is something i remind myself, to always keep the mind open. To learn,not form judgments, from good and bad experiences, and to derive satisfaction from the simple things in life.

something new is about to start in my life and I am very looking forward to it :)

half-marathon

that's what 21.33km feels like. It took me 3 hours, and a cup of sugarcane juice to demolish the 21.33km. Then again, the demolishing was more of my legs. Oh ya, and I just have to run the same distance twice. How screwed am i. It wasn't a deliberate attempt to run a 21km, just so happened that as I started running I realized there were 50 songs in the new *ahem* ipod nano that I just bought (yes I have fallen to the dark side), so I thought why not just run until the 50 songs end. So I thought. What I didn't realize was that 50 songs = 3hr 20 mins. So in the end I only ran 45 songs.

Very apt songs I choose. From Run by Collective Soul(which played at roughly 15km mark) the lyrics goes *guitar jam jam jam* "...have I got a long way, to run..." *jam jam jam* "have I got a long way, to run".

At the near end I was more of staring at my legs to make sure they were still mine. I think by the end of 42km they probably wouldn't feel like mine anymore

been working late every night this entire week. so many things to read. reports, whitepapers, bulletins, news, background materials, research...plus got to digest and form relations and associations of the many many things after that. and think of how to make things work. leveling of different types of projects, forums, platforms. which buttons to push, what level to pitch papers - strategy-level, conceptualization, framework, implementation plans, workplans. then about governance structure.

not having time to think and sort things through is giving me a headache. and some old problems seem to be peeking over my shoulders and starting to vex me up again. sigh. and i haven't exercised at all this week. damnit. i will go gym tmr or sat...

Sobriety

woke up with the worst ever hangover. maybe i will just stick to safer house pours next time. no more drinking for a while.

and. never trust your own judgment when you are drunk. The lack of sobriety...can cause much thorough embarrassment. Must.....exercise....moderation.

lancing is fun though

after 2 weeks without any run, I dragged myself for one the first thing I woke up today. 2h 50mins I ran 17.8km. Slow today and I must have stopped a million times.

Success is not achievements. Successfulness is not measured by achievements. Success is when what you give back or contributed outweighs and is more than what you have taken or benefited from-the society, family, friends, co-workers etc etc.

Are you working towards success?

2009 resolution

Today I resolve to speak up and speak out, with the aim to letting people around me realise how smart and clever I am. Speak up and speak out in confident voice, in defiance, to the extent of arrogance, to the extent of inviting and creating trouble. To think strategically, to question and challenge norms and status quo. It takes practice and courage to accept the risks in voicing my views, and I will do it. Whatever reasons why I have been self-censoring my thoughts, this habit will be undone in9.

crank it up brain

everyday at the course, they try to cramp our (or rather, my) miniscular brain with big thinkings, high-level big picture stuff. Well appreciating it is no problem, but to critiquing and asking the right questions warrants either a very inquisitive mind, or someone very motivated to ask questions. I know that I appreciate the broad-level stuff they throw at us, but i have this bad habit of terminating my thoughts prematurely when I make presumptions that the panel will not be able to answer my questions the way I think it should be. It's time I acknowledge that there are just some questions that do not have answers, but lead to more questions. And that is a learning experience as well.

It's halfway through the course, and one thing that strikes out is really that moderation is immensely difficult to achieve when you are steering a big institution. A REALLY big institution, with long, far-reaching tentacles, but yet one that is unable to control everything. Sometimes (and often), the tentacles tangle themselves up because they each have somewhat a mind of their own. Concerted efforts to move in the same general direction are needed, but often hard to achieve. Success in small terms are easy to construct. Mega successes are hard - you need the TOP brains to command and steer together. So it begets my dumb question of why bother. A bottoms-up approach is almost always seemingly futile if you are thinking of a viral-like change. Even free agents, with the autonomy (and strong backing), do probe and question existing structures and processes, they also have to navigate their way around them to carve and bundle the right resources for their causes. There's no such thing as ramming down walls of rules and processes. You need to work with them. Perhaps it is just meant to us to emphathise on work of people on other tentacles, if so, I guess I do and I am indeed now very much more aware of the difficult work of the institutions that tries to serve us all. But yet, it is a given fact that you can't please everyone, and your job is to minimise the gaps.

I really like the zoom out-zoom in-zoom out approach of adjusting perspectives shared by the coordinator. It's like using a camera with super lenses. Effective officers are able to zoom out of their daily work to understand where it fits in the big (big is a matter of perspectives, different people view different things differently) picture; and then zoom in again to see if their way of doing things is the best way; (does it fit into the bigger objectives, can it be done better) and zoom out again. But I suspect I am getting altitude sickness from the zooming in and out of work (yes I am required to do so everyday because of the nature of my portfolio, deep-diving into technicalities and helicopter view of big pictures). Altitude sickness. Puke.

Also a key thing that stuck in my mind today was when one of the presenters shared how it is a systemic issue (I suppose it is true for any big enterprise/system as well) that because everybody has different views and perspectives, the same stimulus will result in different responses in different people. And we can't run away from this even though we are one human species: our experiences, thinking etc etc shapes the way we think and creates a different context/mental model/mindset for everyone -- and we respond differently. Hence everybody is right, and everybody is wrong at the same time (example of getting a few blind people to describe a HUGE elephant). The fact is that no one person can see the big picture. We need to communicate with one another what we see, to piece our little pictures together to form the holistic big picture.

But yet it is also important to know when enough information is enough, so that we can decide what we want to achieve with part of the big picture that is formed.

Ok I've dumped enough things here to absorb more tmr...

moody.

The horoscope for 18 jan 2009 makes it sound like I've got serious impulse control issues.

"Rivalries in business may agitate your professional life; don't react inopportunely and violently to the maneuvers of your competitors. Your sexual impulses will be exacerbated by the Moon in this aspect; you will be tempted by extra-marital adventures. Appeal to your strong willpower, which should help you not to annihilate your instincts, but to control them better and, in certain desirable cases, to sublimate them. On the other hand, protect your arteries by eating fatty fish, salmons for instance."

What extra-marital adventures (it's interesting to note that they used "adventure" instead of "affair"). But still, i'm not married, what extra-marital adventures can i have. Or maybe the other party is married/attached. And I'm supposed to resist and sublimate the instincts. (notice they emphasized not annihilating it hah.) I hope the willpowers are not waning.

It's a sucky sunday. I've got too many things messing up my mind. A thought that keeps recurring is that somethings cannot be forced, and I am tired to try too hard..

Let me see, reasons for the moodiness. Too many things undone, and nothing I look forward to is within view. Cannot be bothered about CNY, dreading it even. Next week a lot of work to do on top of the course. My brain feels jammed up. Body is aching like shit. No news for masters application.

:(

And I thought I'd have time to rest during this 2-week away from office. Instead it becomes like I'm working 2 shifts. 3 in fact. Daytime of modules and seminars. Some reading materials and project that eats into outside official working hours. Work and appraisal stuff that FURTHER eats up after-working-hours. It's a good thing that I get over-caffeinated during courses. But right now my eyes are damn tired...still got report to read, research to do, some techy stuff to mess around with for knowledge-building. Brain in overdrive. Need some rest, why is the cocktail competition still 2 days away!!! Drinks and some fun desperately needed. Until then, I will survive on minimal sleep this week.

I've been getting familiar feeling of paranoia that disappointment may hit me of late. If I get a double(or triple)-whammy of disappointment in the first half of 2009, i will feel very very very very lousy about myself (i.e. feel worthless, incompetent, the like). I am not good at dealing with rejections. I don't know what will happen to my ego if that happens. I hope it doesn't.

I hope the golf lessons works out, learning something new will be good for me.

this weekend i will tag all my posts, because tagging is a useful habit to cultivate if you are thinking of managing large data volume and make them more search-friendly in the future. Of course there are others who believe in a less secondary meta-tagging and a more artificial intelligence-enabled search. but anyways, tagging here i come.

I tried running to the marine barrage today. Not a good route to run, at least until all the constructions are done. The amount of pollutants in the air along the way was probably equivalent to eating two mouthful of sand. I didn't make it there because 1) it was getting dustier and dustier and 2) I was increasingly surrounded by abnn and my friend was a bit behind, so I just stopped. About 6.5km but didn't like the frequent stops. It messes up my rhythm. My feet are still wasted from killer heels on thurs, which left my left foot with 4 blisters and right foot with 3. I surrendered to the holy heels and wore slippers home that day.

it's busy now, and will only get busier. Work is challenging and going the technical route is a deep dive, into a bottomless pit. But i think bracing myself for the very very long free-falling into the technicalities will help. Appraisal is coming soon, got to document down achievements for last year. I realize I'm quite a sucker for targets and goals. Maybe life is too long a journey, so we need pit-stops and checkpoints to tell us where to go next.

Got more things to bitch about, like how much work I brought home despite having a 2-week course coming up. Not completing the e-learning module despite staying back office to do these miscellaneous stuff. More things, but I'm so sleepy now. I'm back to a 2-coffee a day routine. Mornings start of with white columbia coffee or mcafe, and afternoons with vietnam G7 coffee (kudos to zy for free coffee and perky afternoons).

The bottle of tequila stares at me every night when I sit in front of the comp. I can't wait for the cocktail competition and a few tequila shots to start the night off then!

Time to sleep.

learn something new every year

I think I need to learn something new soon. Come to think of it, I have been learning at least 1 new thing every year for the past few years. There's been inline hockey, muay thai, drums, dragon boat. What will it be in 2009? New language? Scuba diving? Golf? Photography? Got to find new stimulus for the brain and defy aging, grow new synapses.

getting preoccupied these days, some, actually many, things on my mind. February will be hard to bear. Suspense in waiting and hoping for response, unsettled adult things at the back of my mind, work to be continued in tip-top condition. Don't like this scatter-brain feeling, need to focus the mind again.

anime airbender avatar

never underestimate what you can learn from unexpected things. like anime. from The Last Airbender, below are the 8 chakras, whatever they mean.

1. First is the Earth Chakra, located at the base of the spine. It deals with survival, and is blocked by fear. Let your greatest fears become clear to you. You may be concerned for your survival, but you must let those fears go.

2. Next is the Water Chakra, located in the abdomen. It deals with pleasure, and is blocked by guilt. Look at the guilt from your past that burdens you. Let them go, or they will poison your energy. Meditate and realize that these things happened for a purpose.

3. Next is the Fire Chakra, located at the stomach. It deals with willpower, and is blocked by shame. Recognize the biggest disappointments in yourself, and what you are ashamed of. Accept that these things happened.

4. Now is the Air Chakra, located at the heart. It deals with love, and is blocked by grief. Lay all of your grief out in front of you. If you have lost someone close, you must realize love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. The love is still in your heart, and can be reborn in the shape of new love.

5. Next is the Sound Chakra, located at the throat. It deals with truth, and is blocked by lies. The lies we tell ourselves. You must not lie about your own nature. Accept who you are.

6. Up next: the Light Chakra, located at the forehead. It deals with insight, and is blocked by illusions. The biggest illusion of all is the illusion of separation. Things we think are separate are actually one and the same. Like the nations of the world: we are all one people, but we live as if divided.

7. Last is the Thought Chakra, located at the crown of the forehead. It deals with pure cosmic energy, and is blocked by earthly attachments. Meditate on what attaches you to this world. Let your emotions flow and be forgotten. You must unlock this chakra to gain your energy from the universe.

8. Congratulations! You've unlocked all of the chakras! Now go show that Fire Lord Ozai who's boss!

I am thawing my nose and fingers outside now, before i return for a long night of reading tonight.. Brrr

I think i ran very fast today, because in abt 57min i ran from office to fort road and with a detour to kallang bridge instead of the usual nicoll highway bridge to sdba. I had to go down the tunnel and run upslope because of a broken pipe at the construction site. It was basically a mudwater geyser. It must also be the nagging feeling that the longer route will make my friends wait longer at ecp that made me faster. And i am happy to share that the run has made my aching back and neck slightly better.

Dinner at ecp food centre was the usual beef kway teow store. Or should i say gu ba guay diow store. My hokkien is fail liao. One is jit, not jeet. Sugarcane is gam something zwee. Chilli is hiam jio not ham (read 'a' as ah) jio. Chicken rice is ...oh gue beng. Prawn noodle is heh mee. No bean sprouts is mai dao gei. The rest of the impromptu hokkien vocab and translation test i cannot remember liao. I think my hokkien got ang moh accent one, is very the funny. That was dinner at ecp on a tuesday night.

Starting low

Severe neck and backache now. From hiatus of rowing for 6 weeks. How come inhaling that much deep heat or yokoyoko from the muay thai fight yesterday didn't alleviate anything? Guess somethings only work when applied externally. Yesterday wasn't a very good day, fren lost fight (and got a bloody nose), fren's car got scratched at a tight carpark turn. Was pretty ok for me though, just pretty beat up at the end of the day (which ended at 8.50pm).

Today is pretty sucky too, guess 2009 decided to start on a low note. But that's what life is like huh, stock market like, got its highs and lows, and mostly unpredictable. It's how you keep your sanity when everybody's losing theirs. Of course it's easier when less people around you are insane or full of nonsense. But i think life is fair at the end of the day. You get the rewards you deserve, or punishments if not so. The what goes around comes around thing.

trying to be good, responsible and the support that i can be is not enough. I need to be clever, rational and determined. Enough of people who only talk about issues and not act on them, and enough of people who think they are victims. Enough of tyrants. I need to think, like jimmy neutron, think.

things i deserve to get in 2009

might as well list them down. working list. will grow.

1. ipod nano
2. a new huggable pillow
3. back rub after crazy db session
4. new ear phones
5. hugs
6. a new computer game
7. guitar hero III/world tour, if i ever find a japanese version that can be played on my cheong-ed wii
8. good coffee at least twice a week
9. good workouts at least twice a week
10. ...to be continued

face the wind

when the path you want to walk is littered with obstacles and the wind is blowing into your eye what do you do? Do you surrender to the wind and turn back, or face it and trudge on? There is really no point in turning back, sunk costs, opportunity costs lost both ways. The moment you turn back against the wind you may just lose your footing and fall, why not just steady yourself and walk on towards where you want to go. It is so easy to forget where we want to go, because of distractions along the way or weariness that makes you wonder if you should just take an easier route to somewhere else instead.

Luckily I am surrounded by friends. People i know who can cheer me on and even pull me along if need be. Thanks bestest for buying nuggets for me so that i didn't starve while waiting for dinner, and bestest's gf for the $1.70 overly-laced-alcohol-mussels, yummy spinach and very pumpkined pumpkin-prawn-crab-sotong soup-which-i-drank-3-bowls of. I believe i paid my due by fixing up your table fan heheh.

I think this year I will try to live life with more compassion on top of the things I will be focusing on. Since money is no enough, donating blood will be a good cause that I will try to do more of. plus everytime i go i get a free stress ball.

I just remembered that i have not gotten my x'mas presents from my bestestSS!!! :((

Trivia time - did you know that we gained 1 second from end of 2008 to 2009? It's called a leap second

From timeanddate.com -
A positive leap second will be introduced at the end of December 2008.
The sequence of dates of the UTC second markers will be:  
  
                        2008 December 31,     23h 59m 59s
                        2008 December 31,     23h 59m 60s
                        2009 January   1,      0h  0m  0s

2009's opening

Did not expect the last day of 2008 to end like that, and 2009 to begin like that. A roller coaster ride, almost brought me down. A good escape at St James, had to coax myself to let go and relax and dance and enjoy the music (despite the lack of alcohol buzz - it is too expensive to get myself drunk outside).

The lines on our palms, people like to have them read to get a glimpse of their future. My palm lines are quite interesting, two 'broken' palms. But like what my mum says, those lines change, and eventually, our destiny is in our own hands and not dictated by the lines. I have to promise myself to strive on and give myself what I deserve in 2009 no matter what.

A new lesson, revelation, is that everybody thinks differently. Not just their opinions about a matter, that a superficial difference in thinking. The root of people's thought process can be so astonishingly unexpected. How people think differently stems from their contextual experience, something that is very hard for another person to "be in the shoes of". need more lessons from my bestest on counseling, or someone to teach me the way human minds work.