drifting

right now, this moment, there is really nothing I am looking forward to. It's a lousy week, right from the start. I don't feel like managing myself properly anymore. I feel like letting myself fall into pieces and be blown away like dust. I feel like disappearing, vanishing into thin air.

Let me indulge in self-wallowing for a while. Of self-hollowness.

What is the thing, who is the one I can focus on, to bring my life together. It's a strange feeling, losing yourself because you lost focus. It feels like becoming transparent. Maybe I am really disappearing this moment.

But yet tomorrow my solid form will reappear for me to go to work. I am whole when I am occupied. Really dislike this drifting feeling.