I ran 10km on 22 Jul, in abt 1h 15min. A feat never accomplished before, so then it was quite satisfying for me. It was kind of an impulse, because nobody wanted to run at ecp, and I wanted to see how far I could go. So the plan was for me to run home, through esplanade, singapore river, up to boat quay, down singapore river, through the F1 road, along republic boulevard, along nicoll highway, down guilemard road, and back home. That's about 11.6 ~11.8km but the last stretch through geylang wasn't considered a run, because half the time i was avoiding the many ermmm ppl there, and there were many traffic lights. I was drenched by the time I got back, but quite a nice feeling. And not much music needed, I had technical difficulties trying to get the earphones to stay in the ear throughout until I gave up trying to fiddle with the earphones.
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I think I have little empathy. It's there, but it's tucked away in a little corner that is reserved only for special cases. How I have built a hard heart...I don't know.

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I went to play on thursday. It was.....a huge disappointment. Super boring, the place was never packed the whole night, and there was a singer-wannabe promoting her 2 albums (for the price of 1). Plus she too had technical difficulties with the mic and most of the time her singing sounded like the gold 90.5fm's ad where only selected words could be heard "He...*muffled/censored*...is a *muffled* natural" something like that. i shall not go into details.

But there was a surprise at the end of it all. A pleasant surprise, but I need to be cool about it because my intuition tells me so.

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Headphones are a great invention. They tell people to fuck off and don't bother me, even if I am just blogging or staring at the monitor. And I think I am actually a possessive freak.

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The new math works like this. 30% of her time = 30% x working hours. Total working hours = 100% of working hours + 30% of working hours = 130% of her time.
I need to start doing some work NOW before my boss sends me another "you are lagging behind" email.

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When will i be able to get my white jazz with red seats.

where is my rest

I thought there will be rest after the 17 jul briefing. But there are already umpteen tasks falling all over me. Something is not right now, because I find it hard to concentrate on work, because there is no interest. I'm not sure why, could be my boss, could be the work itself, could be me. And on Friday I was asked if I want to be further stretched by my big boss. 1 Sept will be the target date. I don't know if this will be a good thing, but the decision is made. Maybe that's why my grandma and aunt came down from Malaysia, to remind me that there are things in life that we have no control over but can only pray for the best to happen, and for the mystic force to put things in the right place for us. Could be the sense of loss, and the knowledge of tougher days that is making me sian now. Plus no car because of exorbitant parking costs in cbd. No retail therapy to lift my spirits. If only I can just drive off now and enjoy a walk in ecp...

sick

i have 2 days mc, but will be back at work tmr. what a waste. Doc said it's likely tonsillitis, because the left side looks quite swollen. Other than the pain, from the throat, the headache is also terrible. I hope it quickly runs its course. Antibiotics makes me tired..

I have not felt happy like last night for a long time. really happy until i had sweet dreams ;p, but i know, that's all it is to the night. it's nice to feel happy.

anyway, i've been neglecting somethings, like thinking about my future and career lately. simply because workload is increasing by tonnes, and i'm still trying to get used to it, plus the fact that incompetence is something i have to manage as well. maybe not incompetence, but..what...maybe, inefficiency of some ppl? ah what the heck.

"Life's problems are something like this -
hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem ok
thinking of them long enough and they begin to ache
hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you.  you will not be able to do anything about it"

心酸了却哭不出来

given up

i feel like i am going to give up on relationships. this is what happens when you are the sole single soul in a flat with 5 couples. would just like to give up trying for anything to happen. maybe it's precisely seeing what you are missing in life that's the most painful part. so painful that i want to give up on love

sunday break

finally a sunday where i feel relaxed, kind of like a slowing down after the run on thursday, which according to google earth was about 6km, covered in 43min. friday was even more fun, hardly worked for a day where my boss said (in a squeeky voice) "i don't want to talk to you today, i've got so many things to do" so i went for the pool competition in the afternoon. free pool on office time, and i think we got 1st or second...haha. Plus it's been a while since last played pool, was fun though it took a set to warm up. then had a drink at siglap, hmm i mean half a bottle haha. so friday was fun.

saturday was also ok, went to gym in the morning, had new max weight measured. then went to donate blood and took the longest nap ever. a nap that was equivalent to my usual night's sleep, almost 6 hours haha. Hence i kind of slept 2 nights last night. It's now sunday 2pm, and back from the usual sunday rowing and run/circuit. Also learnt a bit of coxswaining today, pretty fun.

Will just enjoy the moment.

In retrospect, had a few thoughts about relationships. Other than the part about it requiring effort but not too much effort, it's really that relationships cannot be forced. bu neng mian qiang. Be it starting a new one, or for existing couples when things turn bad or don't work out anymore. anyway, this is not a post about relationships, so that's all. time to enjoy the rest of the weekend.

I shall post something before i will myself to work and produce a 'Quality Engagement' paper, manpower planning framework and check off the laundry list of things that grew at an astonishing rate yesterday.

Lack of sleep is hitting me with 90% force now, I hope the $1.50 kopi-beng takes effect quickly. What happened is, last night, I dreamt about work all night. I dreamt that I was in a meeting and the worlds I spoke just before I woke up were "to be upfront about the $7,000 subsidy..." I woke up feeling truly disgusted. And tired. And this morning there were 2 meetings with the big big boss. I thought my career was going to end or I would forever be deemed incompetent because of the late-ness in submitting the meeting materials (which was not my fault for the record), but it didn't. And I am still alive not, although very sleepy, and with many things to do.

I believe that if you want to do something, then do it well. Give it all you've got and don't hold back. It works for many things, but not for some. But that's just me, what to do.

Ok i should not procrastinate any more. time to do some work.