healed hearts are never whole

Maybe hearts were never whole in the first place. Even for the enlightened ones maybe. Otherwise I think most of us, the normal sentient beings, came to life with our hearts already broken. Maybe a better way to describe it is that, we were given a broken heart to begin with. Every broken heart has a unique pattern, a unique signature, since it broke, there must be other pieces that it was originally whole with, lying somewhere, with someone else.

As we grow, we meet other people, who are also with a broken heart, unless they have already found their matching piece, forming an unbroken, whole heart. We become lovers and partners with people whom we feel our hearts touch, and we think, maybe this broken piece of my heart fits yours. But when it doesn't, it usually involves pain and hurt. Imagine forcing a puzzle into a void that does not match its edges.

But do people actually get to find the 'right' piece? Or are there some conforming, distorting going on most of the time? Maybe most of the time, as long as there is a 80-90% fit, it's a rare find already, and despite some discomfort, the two piece of broken heart come together and fit each other. Never mind the 10-20% of misfit, they bear with it and slowly this 90% fit melds into one whole heart, despite not a perfect one.

Then what happens when you stay single for too long? Maybe your piece of half-heart slowly mends itself, with the broken edges smoothening into a stump. And you start to believe that actually your heart is whole? Can that happen? Then how do you find another piece with edges you can cling on to? I hope all my friends find their other piece and never have to become a broken half of a heart again.

when things change

we say that things change, for better or worse, things change.
Not everything changes for worse, and not everything changes for the better.

how do things work out then? it's impossible for two people to wait until there are no changes in their lives before they hook up. 1) impossible because things change, we have taken that as a truth 2) their lives would be extremely boring if they are going to spend the rest of their lives together without any change 3) they will not share any past together, which is sad.

many things i want to buy now, thinking of buying only of course, unless the lottery that i struck was a reality
1) scooter GT200 or TW200
2) mission skates
3) sunglasses
4) iphone

Find me the invisible bone

Master to dog: Go on, go and find me the invisible bone
Dog: *puzzled* what invisible bone? how does it look like?
Master: I think it looks like this, but i'm not sure. But anyhow, find me that invisible bone

i am so screwed for the trip. does it feel surreal when ur career is about to end in 2 weeks.
and there is the invisible/amorphous bone problem to settle. another week of nearing the impending doom. f.

boreds

No other word can describe better describe what i am feeling now, other than 'bored'. Am no longer thinking about the past as often, but there is nothing to do now *shrug*. really nothing to do, except work of course. Work is a bottomless pit, it can never be finished. my bestest fren said i've got my priorities all wrong: "no one will ever say on his dead bed that 'i wished i had written more papers'". except maybe if that person is a manic and in love with nothing else but work. i'd rather have other loves in my life.

the only more exciting thing that is going to happen is probably my iphone that will come to me on 9/10 april. it should be, i hope, everything crossed, that it will be a reward for tomorrow's gre. so now i have downloaded itunes and it's quite a breeze using it i must say.

other things new in my life will be dragonboat, which i have been to for 3 weeks now. have decided to buy a paddle and life vest, adding to my collection of sports props that now includes

1. my beloved badminton rackets (2 + a few old ones)
2. squash racket
3. rollarblades (>14 years old)
4. rollar hockey stick
5. rollar hockey gloves
6. boxing gloves
7. butt pad

hmmm actually the list doesn't look like a lot. I thought i have a lot more stuff. want to play baddy soon, rowing is fun too, every week my movements get corrected and fine-tuned by our very cute coach. so with all the rowing i can feel the back, shoulder and triceps and biceps coming back to life....feels good to ache on monday, then less so on tue. by wed ache is gone, and it's mid-week!

yes the only thing is...my after-work life sucks, there is nothing to do. and there are only so many people i can pester i.e. i have only so many friends. need to find something productive to do, like post on quantnet and learn some useful stuff.